The Modesty Panel: How Well-Fitting Bras Made Me Cover Up

Typical neckline and fit for what I used to wear
before finding out about correctly fitted bras.

For me modesty seem to essentially be about not drawing attention to yourself, something I've never been good at. Ever since I could even talk I've always stated my opinion and always questioned everything that seemed non-logical to me, no matter if it meant getting into an intellectual verbal fight with teachers or the nine-year-olds at school when I was 6. I was never aiming at getting attention, the attention I got was just a consequence of my lack of fear of questioning authorities and my inability of keeping my nose out when I felt someone was treated unfair. Modesty as a concept as always seemed very strange to me and I never really understood it, despite living in a country with a culture more or less based on the idea that you should not stand out. Why diminish yourself in order to be seek some sort of peer approval? To be open to the ideas of others, yes! Listen and respect each other, absolutely  Be open to new perspectives, definitely  But does that mean that we as a group need to make each and every one of us smaller as an individual in order to be able to do these really basic things? And if we demand that sort of modesty in order to respect another human being, do we even respect the person to start with?

How modesty was forced upon me 

The difference in neckline my new bras forced me to
make to be sure my bra would never be seen.

When I was for the first time fitted in truly well-fitting bras it was in a 28G Pollyanna. The difference was amazing in all the ways it usually is. The back pain I never knew I had was suddenly gone, I could suddenly run in stairs without holding my breasts down and they were lifted up where they never been before. There was just one problem, what was I supposed to wear with my new well-fitting bras? 

Trying to survive the summer heat in the highest cut vest
top I could find  in an XS and the lowest cut bra  I could  find. 

This was before there was any lower cut bras available, before the time of Freya Deco and before I knew to look to Poland. The only options for bras that fit were bras covering me almost up to my collar bones. For a 19-year old girl with a love for fashion it honestly felt devastating  I wouldn't be able to wear the clothes I loved anymore. It wasn't society, it wasn't religion, it wasn't my family, it was the lingerie industry.

The double standards

To blame it all on the lingerie industry might sound a bit harsh but for me that was really the case. Just as I found bras that actually fitted me and started to feel somewhat normal after blaming my body for being so hard to fit, I was thrown back by the lack of options. I could wear fun and cute prints, or sexy sheer bras, but I was not given the option to have some cleavage, or even show some skin. Even worse, I couldn't find a single nude bra without bumping embroidery or contrasting lace so I couldn't even wear light-coloured clothes either.

So many gorgeous bras but where is my nude bra when I need it?

Trinny & Susannah kept talking about v-necks and wrap necklines to visually break up the chest. I tried that. Standing in a fitting room I looked in the mirror and half my bra was showing. Slowly I started replacing my wardrobe with high-neck tops, not because I wanted but because this was my only choice. I even tried the clothes from Bravissimo, but even those where too low cut to wear with the bras I could find. Not even the company that claimed to designing with my boobs in mind did design with my bras in mind. The experience that in the beginning was empowering and made me feel normal made me feel even more outside the norm than I've ever felt. 

Having less choice in necklines gave me an
opportunity to play with the backs of my dresses.

The one savior I found to not have to replace all of my old wardrobe was to wear vest tops under my old clothes. While I almost despise the commercials for modesty panels, for me, my version of it was liberating. It brought the choice back to me and gave me back the power to chose what to wear.

Things are changing

Thankfully there are many more options today. Within a year from my first well-fitting bra the Freya Deco was launched which for me was amazing, as it was both nude, moulded and a plunge and came in my size and both Panache and Bravissimo do have options today as well. Pepperberry, which Bravissimo now sells clothes under, has actually slowly realised that the clothes they sell also needs to be made with bra in mind, not only boobs. Companies like Urkye and BiuBiu are great at cutting their clothes with bra options in mind, like making a halterneck dress with regular straps instead for the larger cup sizes.

Though the double standards still exist

Despite this, the mental challenge of being fitted into often a band smaller than one ever thought one would fit in and cups sometimes bigger than one thought existed isn't the only challenge. Still many bra manufacturers seem to believe that the only thing worth selling to women with bigger busts are minimizers and heavily padded bras to those with a smaller bust. While I'd never believe that there is any genuine badly meant from the companies part, this is still very problematic as it once again enforces the norm that there is one ideal and one ideal only that everyone should aspire for.

Statement by the brand Soma. Apparently everyone of a C-cup or above
is in need of making their bust smaller to be "more proportionate".
Who defined that women with a cup size larger than a B can't be proportionate?

Modesty on it's own is problematic but as a women the additional layer concerning my body gives it a whole new dimension, especially as my body is something which I have no direct control over. While I would never see the fashion industry as the cause behind this, they can chose to reinforce the current norms or to empower women to be in charge of their bodies. A bra fitting puts a women in a highly vulnerable position and the way her body is treated can make or break the process of building body confidence. Claiming that a minimizer or a full coverage bra is the only option implies that a fuller bust should be covered and made smaller just because of it being a fuller bust, regardless of what the woman wants. It takes away the choice and the power. 

Covering up some bra rather than cleavage.

Today

Still, today I'm five cup sizes bigger than I was that autumn, but I show more cleavage than I did back then, mainly because I can. I wear low cut  wrap v-neck tops together with plunge bras (and I promise, those tops does not minimize my bust so maybe I shouldn't have trusted that much in the recommendations anyway... :P) and I wear shirts buttoned up almost all the way, all depending on my mood. Finding clothes might not be easy still, but knowing that they do exist does alone mean a lot. Finally how much I cover and reveal is now my choice and my choice alone.

With the right fit it's neither a question of bra size or bra model. :)

I still wear my black vest tops as modesty panels under my boob-friendly tops occasionally. Not to earn someone's respect, not to fit in and certainly not as some sort of duty as a woman. I do it because it enables me to wear any bra style I feel like. What and how much I chose to cover up is my choice and my choice alone.

For more perspectives on modesty:

Recently, several women who write about breasts and proper bra fit came together to create the Bosom Bloggers group with the goal of helping each other and our readers.  Naturally, the topic of modesty arose during our interactions with each other, usually accompanied by “I should blog about that someday!”  Well, someday has come!  This week, each of the following bloggers have shared their own perspective on modesty:

 Boosaurus

BralessinBrasil

 BrasandBodyImage

 ContraryKiwi

 FussyBusty

 Hourglassy

MissUnderpinnings

SophiaJenner

SophisticatedPair

ThatBraDoesNotFitHer

ThinandCurvy

WeirdlyShapedandWellPhotographed

 WindieGardie

BiuBiu Portimao in Purple

One thing BiuBiu is really really good at is to offer quite neutral basic pieces that we all need in our wardrobes, and that can be combined to get the style you want. Usually each style is available in a range of colours, so it's just to pick and choose what you prefer. Compared to Pepperberry who instead offers one colour of the style each season this doesn't "force you" to wear colours that doesn't flatter just to get clothes that fit. :) This specific season I chose to go for red and purple mainly, two colours I know suit me and that fit well into my wardrobe. The first one I will be reviewing here is the Portimao top in purple, in my regular size in jersey from BiuBiu 34BB/BBB.

BiuBiu Portimao Purple 34BB/BBB

Bouclé Love from H&M

Last Friday me and my boyfriend were invited to a H&M VIP shopping event. Not really anything VIP about it, but, it's usually quite nice going there and being able to shop without too many people and with the 20% off discount. I usually mainly go for basics, but this time I also found some Christmas presents and, I found a coat I fell in love with the second I saw it.

My love for purple is no secret but I've become very found of bouclé the last one and half year, and then seeing it in one coat, well, I couldn't resist it. Normally i don't even try on woven non-stretch clothes in a store like this, it's extremely rare they fit at all and well, trying to make clothes fit that doesn't is just depressing. This time I was quite lucky though. The 36 I first tried fitted, though it was quite tight. As I prefer a bit more room for a fleece jacket or so beneath I went for the 38 instead.

Purple bouclé coat from H&M

BiuBiu City Violet

BiuBiu's City Violet

Piece number two of my first BiuBiu order was the City shirt in violet. I have a huge weak spot for purple, most of my wardrobe consists of black and purple, so when I saw a shirt in purple in my actual size I just had to go for it.

It has 98% cotton in it and a 2% elastan, creating a nice cotton shirt with a slight stretch. As I've said before I prefer natural materials and finding a shirt that is purple and in cotton just made it sound even better.

As in the dress I chose a 36BBB based on the size chart. This colour way is supposed to run tight and I can certainly agree. I'm right inbetween a 34 and a 36 and I don't think this shirt can fit someone on the larger end of the size interval. The information in the webshop also states that going up a size is adviced in this colourway and I believe that to be true.

BiuBiu Summer City

BiuBiu is another brand for those of us with a bit more boobs than the highstreet really can handle. They are based in Poland, which actually is as much of a mecka for curves as United Kingdom, only that atleast I haven't heard so much about it. I first found out of BiuBiu when Brittany at Thin And Curvy did a review on some of their clothes. For me it sounded great as I also have an issue with Bravissimo/Pepperberry clothes being too big in the body, though I didn't really dare to make an order at that point. Then I saw her in her Summer City and that's when I knew I just had to give it a try. A week ago I actually saw the dress on sale for €26 in the store and I just had to order it.

BiuBiu's own pictures of the Summer City dress.

Alterations: Moving The Strap Position

One common issue with larger cups in general, and with larger cups on smaller bands especially, is that the strap is positioned way to far out. That causes the fabric to cut into the arm, affects the fit, shape and support of the cup and causes the straps to slip down. If you have narrow shoulders the last one should definitly be familiar too you.

In this tutorial I will be assuming that you are doing this with a sewing machine. This is mainly for simplicity, most people don't know much about making durable elastic seams by hand, and because most people will be using one for this. You don't need anything fancy, just being able to sew zigzag is enough. You also need matching thread and a fresh sewing needle.

1. Take a look at what you have got

 First, just look at the bra. See how the seams have been made, in what order. As the aim is to recreate this later, if this is the first time, work on one side at the time so the other one can be used as a reference. Here the strap have been attatched last, with two rows of very narrow zigzag. Before that the eleastic along the armhole have been sewn, with the top seam along the actual armhole first, then flipping it over and the second seam have been made. The elastic is in almost every bra sewn like this, apart from some Freya bras that actually only have one seam. After taking a close look, rip all of these seams. The top one at the armhole you might want to leave a cm or two off as it is harder to reattach it that close to the underwire.

Alterations: Reduce the band width

I absolutly adore my Tease Mes and Thrill Me:s so much I still keep on buying them even though the smallest band size I can get is still way too big on me. I'm almost preaching about the importance of wearing the correct size but for some reason it is sooo hard to follow my own advice. A too big band makes the bra slide up in the back, makes the bra less supportive and just uncomfortable after a while. So, I decided to make one of my bras just a bit more comfortable.

To do this you need a seam ripper, matching thread and a sewing machine. It is possible to do it by hand, but then you really need a whole lot of knowledge about tecniques in hand sewing and well, it's not as easy as it sounds.
'

1: Look at what you've got
This is how the back part of my bra looks. I need to take away enough to reduce to width one to two sizes, which means 2-4 inches stretched. However when the fabric isn't stretched but just resting it's enough with just a bit more than an inch on each side. When moving each part of the closure even that small amount the band is too high in the new position so the height needs to be altered too. The easiest way is to move the elastic that leads to the strap. Since I don't mind the straps being a bit closer together and I do such a small alteration I can leave the attatchment for the strap where it is.

2: Remove the closure
Rip the seam apart that holds the closure to the fabric. The seam is just as in the picture and is usually just a narrow zigzag. Take a good look so you can replicate the seaming later on.

3: Remove parts of the elastic
Now the closure is gone and it is time to take parts of the seam on the elatistic leading to the strap away. Don't go all the way unless you plan to move the whole strap. Take your time to look carefully at the seam here too.

4: Pin the elastic back
Pin the elastic back in its new position further down than before. make sure that it makes the height of the band just right for the new closure position. You may need to stretch the elastic just a bit to make it fit well.

5:  Check the position again and start sewing
Check once again that the elastic is in a good position and start stitching it back again. I use a 2.5-3.5 mm wide zigzag with a length of 1.5 mm. The seam should follow the inner edge of the elastic.

6: Cut away the excess fabric
Since the elastic now sits lower than before there will be excess fabric there that you can just cut away. Leave about 2-3 mm just so that the stitches won't come loose, but it should be okay. Also, take away some of the lenght in the band. I took away about 2 cm at each side.

7: Pin the closure back again and sew
Pin the closure back with the fabric of the band sandwiched inside the closure. Start of with the longer seam so it stays where it should be when you do the last two (the upper and lower). I use a 2 mm wide 1 mm long zigzag for this. When you stitch the shorter the needle should go down outside the actual fabric on everyother time it goes down.








Done!
Once the pins are gone you're finished with it. This is how my ended up.

It is always good to complete one side at a time. Then you can try the bra on properly before you start on side number two. It is hard to tell at the start what amount you need to take away so better to be safe.

If you need to reduce the band width with more than one or two sizes you will need to move the straps. It is certainly possible and I will at some point show how to do it too, but in that situation you need to alter more than just that. I would therefor not recommend anyone doing that if they don't have a lot of previous experience. When it's about smaller amounts it is really not that hard and you really should be able to do it. :)

In my case I discovered as soon as I but the bra back on that there was a new problem there. The shoulder straps have always been positioned a bit too far apart but since the smaller band means that the cups are being stretched even further under my arms this was just too much to make it wearable. This was my next project which I will tell more about later.

Left: Before. The tightest setting is used and it is still a bit too big.
Right: After. The loosest setting is used and it is just fine on me.